- I don't know if I'm a player. Ask one of my girlfriends
- Virginity is like a bubble... One tiny prick and it's gone
- It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man
- They speak of my drinking but they never consider my thirst
- We'd better get outta here, I think I hear one of those silent alarms
- I don't like to repeat things, so listen carefully the first six times
- If guys had their period, they'd probably brag about the size of our tampons
- Fat people are harder to kidnap
- If one synchronized swimmer drowns, does that mean they all have to?
- Fat Girls are like Mopeds: fun to ride, but you don't want your friends to catch you
- If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten
- I wear the pants in this house. My wife just tells me which pair to wear
- We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture
- Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
- I must confess, I was born at a very early age
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